Long-Term Ramifications

Despite the actual economic and Constitutional viability of the Healthcare bill (which has been discussed in great detail in other places), the Democrats may have hurt themselves in the long run by deciding to use up a good deal of their political capital right before a census.

A census only happens once a decade, and usually ends up causing states to do something else: redistrict. Most states redistrict after a census, since that is when they have the best picture of their population makeup. Redistricting, due to the now common practice of gerrymandering (drawing political district lines to the advantage of one party or another), has political ramifications which will affect the next ten years of politics.

Obama, who has gotten some flak for the Healthcare thing, might get hurt not only in the House and Senate this coming November, but in the states as well. Now, who cares about state politics? Well, if the states draw their districts to advantage the Republicans, the next ten years of elections will be tipped, slightly, to the Republicans.

Perhaps Healthcare isn't actually that controversial, and perhaps Democrats will do just fine in the elections this November. All I'm saying is, whoever does well will have an advantage in American politics for the next decade, so if you're old enough to vote, show up for this one.

The Truth of a Broken Heart

I met a young man walking
(His face was so downcast!).
It seemed he had a broken heart,
I stopped him as he passed.

I asked him, “Son, who broke your heart?
Your hurt, please tell me of.”
A wan smile flicked across his face,
“Sir, I’m ta’en by too much love.

“When I was young, my parents loved
me dear, and I loved them.
But as I grew, more folk I knew,
From thence my problems stem.

“Each person that I loved loved me
With all that they could give.
But I, alas, have but one heart,
Whose breaking I forgive.

“I would to each give my whole heart,
But, see, I’ve only one,
And so I broke it all apart,
A piece for everyone.

“So now I walk, as sad as rain,
But blessed beyond all thought.
For I was loved so much by all…
I gladly broke my heart.”

Why You Should Not Leave 6-Page Research Papers for the Night Before

All I can say is, thank goodness it's just a draft. However brilliant and eloquent the paper might have seemed at 3:40am last night, it's probably not even legible. Still, it was pretty epic. At about 1:00 am I hiked down to the laundry room to retrieve a can of Coke, with a distinct "this is it" expression on my face. The Coke did its work well, for which I am grateful. I just hope I don't literally collapse in class or (God help me) Chicago rehearsal tonight. Yikes...

Ohmygosh...

it's a GIRL! (you have to say 'girl' with an extreme Redneck twang to achieve the desired effect) Since I'm quite sure that nobody reads this blog, I feel perfectly secure in informing absolutely no one that I have discovered a human of the female persuasion, to whom I am quite attracted and who seems (*crossed fingers*) to like me as well. She's smart (better grades than my own), sweet (she keeps cats, I kick cats...(not really...)), and marvelously pretty. Of course, I say this at least in part because I'm pretty sure she's the only person who reads this blog. (*waves Hi*)

Also, I'm still trying to get a good video for Youtube. Hopefully, if the video gets a few viewers and I mention my blog in the video, people will actually visit the darn thing, bringing my total audience up to something greater than 2.

One final thing: I need an evil-empire mantra. Every aspiring evil-genius-who-takes-over-the-world has one. Whether it be simply "Catzrule!" or "Big Brother is Watching" or "Come to the Dark Side." Something catchy and ominous, easy to remember, that I can paste on every building and on the forehead of anybody who dreams of overthrowing me. Thoughts?

What Every Big Brother Needs to Know About Pacifying His Peons...er, Siblings

I have many brothers. They are very enthusiastic and spirited people, and it is my unsworn duty to prevent them from running wild and destroying a small nation. Since they cannot be coerced by threats of death, torture, disembowelment, or loss of candy, and cannot be bribed with money, fame, power, or computer games, I must of necessity resort to Aggressive Pacification in order to maintain peace in our time.

However, I cannot simply lay them out with one good 'ol haymaker, because then I look like a bully and my parents use...ah..."moral suasion" to cause me to desist. Thusly, we get

"WEEEEEE!!! I'm going to shoot a BB gun at pressurized cans next to a candle!"
*POW*
"Cut it out peon...er, sibling! That's dangerous!"
"WAAAAHH! MOOOOOOOM! Tyson hit me!"
"Tyson! Don't be a bully! You're more mature than that!"
*Kachink-BOOM!"
"What was that, Tyson?"
"I dunno. Definitely not a pressurized can getting hit by a BB then exploding into a raging fragmentation firebomb."

Unacceptable.

So for all you older brothers and sisters out there, here's a tip: learn a few pressure points. Neck, ear, underside of the arm, instep, inguinal region, whatever, learn a few places that really hurt when poked or squeezed. That way it's less obvious that you are...ah...pacifying your dear little brothers and sisters

"WEEEEE! I'm going to light matches around the gas line!"
*poke*
"YEEEEAARRGH!"
"Don't light matches around the gas line peon! It's dangerous!"
"MOOOOM!!! Tyson poked me!"
"Tyson! Don't be a bully. You're more mature than that!"
*KABOOM!*
...
...
...
anyway...

10 Pounds Off

After a grueling (well, pretty grueling) workout this morning, I was informed by the Magical All-Powerful Scale of Truth that I weigh 213 pounds. This is ten less than I started with back in October, twenty more than where I want to be, and exactly where I was before Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sheesh.

Governmentium

NOTE: THIS IS NOT ORIGINAL TO ME. This was forwarded to me via email, but it was funny enough that I thought it worth sharing.

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it
comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take
less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money,Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Fable

Briefly, before I go to class, I want to give an update on my Fable progress. Normally when I play this game, I don't have the stomach to be evil. Slaughtering random passerby, even in a virtual world, makes me guilty. However, this time around I was quite determined to make an evil character. I did everything I could to avoid getting "good" points (though some were effectively inevitable), but overall tried to walk the wide (or in this game, quite narrow) path of darkness. You can evaluate for yourselves as to whether or not I succeeded: here is my character...

The Fifth Holocaust

I hate to preach. Life would be wonderful if everyone could agree on those things which mattered. Many posts on this blog so far have been fairly lighthearted. For someone looking for a lighthearted diversion into my limited wit, I apologize. This is not one.

Babies have been on my heart of late. My little brother, now 6 years old and beautiful, is no longer a baby, but I remember him, as well as every other one of my younger brothers, when they were no more than a few days old. They're soft, and so incredibly clumsy when they try to grab your finger or look around their strange new home. They don't have much in the way of hair, just sort of a five o'clock shadow on their otherwise bald little pates. Once a little older, they do have remarkable flexibility. Combine this with their mostly-cartilage skeletons, and you'll understand my oft-repeated maxim that "He'll be fine. Babies are made of rubber."

That's not true. We all know this. Babies are made of cells, just like I am, and my brothers are. They are possibly one of the most vulnerable things in this world. In this country, approximately 3000 of them die every day. That's about two per minute, give or take.

To my friends, family, and anyone else who might read this blog, I would like you to consider watching this video, with preamble and closing by Spanish actor Eduardo Verastegui. If you support the rights of the unborn, this video will hopefully both motivate you and provide you with an invaluable resource in your conversations. If you support a woman's right to choose whether she gives birth or not, perhaps you might be caused to at least stop a moment, and examine whether your ideals can compete with the horrid, brutal reality that is abortion. Whichever you are, you do need a strong stomach or a nearby bathroom. For viewers under 18, I strongly advise waiting until you're a little older to watch this. To viewers over 18, I cannot encourage you enough to watch this. If you start it, I recommend that you watch the whole thing. We can't live in denial anymore.

http://www.massmediamail.com/durarealidad/

Welfare State

My Art History teacher mentioned something in passing in class today which gave me pause. Talking about ancient Rome, he noted that one of the first "cracks" in what would eventually be its downfall was that it effectively became a "welfare city" supporting a giant populace with high unemployment using government funds and excessive taxes on the provinces. Where have I heard that before?

Being an Anti-Federalist is difficult, since you tend to seem like a villain whenever you advocate spending less on welfare: "How could even SAY that?!? Do you want these people to STARVE? What kind of monster are you!?!?" I just fear one of two things happening. The first being that China, Saudi Arabia, and the rest of these countries that own our debt suddenly realize that our debt is worthless and that they don't want to buy anymore of it until we pay some back. The other is that the bankrupt government begins to lose the ability to pay for roads, police, and military, suddenly leaving the poor, impoverished people in a much worse state than they were in before.

Don't think that I oppose supporting the destitute. I do. PRIVATELY. It's not the government's job. As John Smith said to the first colonists of this country: "If you don't work, you don't eat." People can't leech off of the government, which is held up primarily at this point by tradition, a large military, and a whole truckload of as-yet-unfulfilled promises. The problem is, welfare programs attempt to create equality of society. That is known as socialism. The Constitution does not encourage, in fact discourages this sort of thing. It guarantees us our right to property, the sanctity of contracts, and equality of OPPORTUNITY. Not equality in fact, equality in opportunity. Because, believe it or not, people are different, and to the government, which is only concerned with our physical well-being, not all people are equal.

Now, to believers in a charitable religion such as Christianity, Islam, or Buddhism, all have equal worth in God's eyes, and thus are worth saving, protecting, and lifting up. But this is the job of private institutions like the church, not the government. People have to be able to choose generosity. The government should not be taking money out of one person's hands and giving it to another. The Constitution protects my right to be a greedy uncharitable bastard, should I choose to do so (though I hope I don't and am not).

The British sailors, according to the song, said "SINK THE BISMARCK!"
Modified for a more relevant purpose,
"SHRINK THE GOVERNMENT!"

Creating Words

Wouldn't it be cool if one of the privileges of graduating with an English degree was that you could create your own word? Miriam-Webster would update their dictionaries, and you would be the author of whatever world you desire, be it spadlush, flithup, or snippid. Personally, I think that sortakindamaybe ought to be a word.

In other news, I saw The Blind Side a day or two ago. It was excellent! Sandra Bullock was perfect for the part, as was the rest of the cast. The story was sweet without being cliched (well, not too cliched, anyway) and the fact that it's based on a true story just increases the awesomeness (I'm pretty sure that is a word. If not, I hereby decree it to be so).

OWNEDpix 1

Announcing: OWNEDpix

Fellow humans,
All of us humankind, whatever country we're from, whatever our status in life, whatever our goals, aspirations, or dreams, are all trying to get somewhere and be something in life. Our ideas of what we want to be, have, and do are very different, but we are each and every one of us trying to reach a goal.

That said, our lives are not one long, continuous drive towards our goals. We are fickle and easily distractable creatures, and we crave diversion and amusement. One the things which can amuse us most readily is the utter failure of others in achieving their own goals. Many people fail quite spectacularly in their quest for their dreams. Being evil and malicious creatures every manjack of us, we are most entertained by such things.

In honor of this most universal human tendency, I hereby announce what I hope will be a long-term effort: OWNEDpix. In this series of images, I hope to provide some modicum of malicious glee to your day by providing you with pictorial representations of the most fantastic failures I encounter in my wand'rings across the World-Wide Web. Enjoy!

Carcassonne

So my aunt and uncle came by two days ago, and one of their gifts to my family (my family is far too large to buy individual gifts for, we know that) was a boardgame called Carcassonne, based on some town in southern France or somesuch nonsense. However, the game was actually really fun! Players take turns placing terrain tiles and basically growing the map, while simultaneously placing "followers" which can be monks (in the cloisters), thieves (on the roads), knights (in the castles), or farmers (in, believe it or not, the fields). Thus, your job is to to try to get the most profit from the constantly growing and evolving map, with a very limited number of followers to play. It was really quite stimulating. I was happy because I invested a lot of time and effort into my farmers (in the game I played with my aunt, uncle, and brother) which don't get counted until the end of the game. When the end of the game finally came, my farmers got counted and shot me from dead last to tied for second, three points behind the lead. Fun game, fun game.
Happy New Year!

Climategate

Ha.

HA.

HA!

HAHA!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

So they really were making it up! For those of you who don't know, a severely inconvenient truth just came to light for Al Gore and and all of his global warming-warning pals. These were, to be exact, a batch of over 1000 emails hacked from the headquarters of the CRU (Climactic Research Unit). For those, like me, who didn't really know, the CRU is big. They provide a lot of the climate data used by the UN and U.S. Environmental Protection Agency. From their headquarters in East Anglia School in England, we find such interesting quotes as these:

"The fact is that we can't account for the lack of warming at the moment and it is a travesty that we can't." -Kevin Trenberth, National Center for Atmospheric Research in Colorado.

"If they [referring to a pair of dogged critics] ever hear there is a Freedom of Information Act now in the UK, I think I'll delete the file rather than send to anyone." -Phil Jones, CRU Director

[In reference to some critical research] "I can't see either of these papers being in the next [UN] IPCC report. Kevin and I will keep them out somehow--even if we have to redefine what the peer-review literature is!" -Phil Jones, CRU Director

Jones also gave adive on certain "tricks" that could be used "to hide the decline" in some temperature readings. Now, you all know I hate to say "I told you so," but let's face it: those conservative holdouts are feeling pretty happy right now.

This will be one of hopefully few politically bent posts, but since I get the feeling this won't make it to most mainstream news stations I felt responsible to spread this news. And to say "I told you so."

Happy New Year!

So, while I received many beautiful and wonderful Christmas presents this year (and also gave a few good ones, particularly to my parents), probably my favorite was the ten dollar, nine-inch long model of a Lamborghini Murcielago Connor gave me. I really don't have a rational explanation for my love for Lamborghinis. It probably stems from Need For Speed 2, a game which is by now archaic, to say the least.

However, something about the Lambo's refined roar, monstrous road speed, and sleek profile awakens my mostly-dormant speed-loving side. Who couldn't love this, really? Thing of beauty.

On a sidenote, the John Dillinger gangster fedora I got for my Dad went over real well, as did the jewelry box for my Mom. I'm also severely depressed about the state of the nation at the moment, but I refuse to dwell on such things so close to Christmastime. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...

Communist Christmas Tree!

Well...on my first day home (wonderfully, gloriously home) I stayed up kinda late talking with my darling mother. She finally finished the absurd amount of baking she had assigned herself for that day when we both heard a loud sound, rather like a nuclear blast but louder.

Our fully decorated, fully lit, twelve-foot-high Christmas tree had made a desperate bid for freedom and fallen into the middle of the family room floor. Over a dozen delicate glass ornaments were the civilian casualties of the conflict, and Mom and I were up until 2:30 cleaning up the mess.

I therefore deduced that out Christmas tree is a Communist. Since it is coniferous, it could easily have come from the frozen wastelands of Eastern Russia. Since it did its level best to destroy my Christmas cheer and high spirits, it must be a Godless, capitalism-envying, bitter Communist, bent on destroying everything I hold dear. We have since restrained it with several lengths of string and fishing line, secure in our knowledge that the catastrophe will not be repeated.

The Russian government continues to maintain that they had nothing to do with the scandal. This obvious falsehood has sparked a controversy within the Soviet government. The ChristmasTreeGate scandal will doubtless go down in history as the event which sparked the beginning of the end for Soviet Russia.

Merry Christmas!

So today...I finally made it to church here (which is unusual, unfortunately...it's been tough not seeing my church family from back home), and then proceeded to draft a realistic plan for world peace ("Draft Realistic Plan For World Peace" is code for "Waste Time") for several hours, before finally getting down to work. After working laboriously for great lengths of time, I proceeded to watch a movie with my somewhat insistent friend-from-across-the-hall. I chose The Box, and I can't say I was impressed in the least. In the credits it said the movie was based on a short story. There's a problem there. A movie has the capability to tell a story much faster than a book. Obviously, a shorter book should mean a much shorter movie. This rule was ignored when they made The Box, and so you get long sequences of faux suspense with no explanation or plot development or anything useful at all. Then, of course, the movie ends with the "Neverending Cycle" kind of ending and makes you even madder. Who wrote that thing? Where they drunk? High? Trapped in the Matrix? All of the above? I mean, really, it was worthless.

At some point I shall add more videos to the list of cool youtube videos below, but not now. I have to have a foursome with Winkin, Blinkin, and Nod. Ciao, and Merry Christmas!

Fringe

Ahhh...I love Fringe. It is a TV show of great awesomeness and funniness. and it maketh me happy. However, I just wish that it would MAKE SENSE! PLEASE! After the latest episode I was like "Yes! This explains all my questions!" And then I realized "But wait! It just leaves me with twice as many NEW questions! AAAAAAAAAA----- (this is the part where I rammed my head against the wall)" I would say more, but I have an Econ exam today. Perhaps I shall write more today while I wait for my laundry to run.
Merry Christmas!

Brilliant!

I have a wonderful idea: I shall take a quick study break from writing by doing...MORE WRITING!! Aha! Betcha didn't see that one coming.

Speaking of 'brilliant,' don't you wish we used more English words in this country? I mean we technically speak English, but there are some words that get used in England a lot that I think would be cool to use as well. Brilliant is one of them, though I think my personal favorite is "smashing!" I don't see why we Americans haven't adopted it already...its short and to the point and emphasizes destroying things. Why do the English have it in the first place, really? It should be ours. Perhaps Obama can discuss this important issue when he's in England again, giving Gordon Brown a set of DVDs that won't work in England or giving the Queen an iPod filled with videos of his own speeches. *sigh*

Since my math teacher also teaches cryptography in the spring, I'm still debating as to whether or not I should challenge him thus: if I can make a code he can't crack, I get an A in the course. If he cracks it, then I take the exam anyway. Seems fair, right?
Merry Christmas!